InspirEmail

I sit, staring at the negative balance in my bank statement, feeling the weight of financial pressure upon me. I feel scared, angry and frustrated. As I look at the position I find myself in, I hope and pray for a miracle - some amazing event that will somehow lift me from this circumstance and change my life forever.

Nothing changes. I wonder 'why me?' Feelings of doubt and uncertainty enshroud me, as though a dark cloud has descended upon me, blackening my whole world. Time, as it always does, keeps ticking away. The burden of my troubles weighs heavier and heavier on my mind and my heart. I buckle under my intense emotions. As I sit there, wrapped in my own self pity, I know I have to pull myself together, if only for the sake of those around me. Then I realise - I still have choices.

Then and there I take back my power. I make a conscious decision to view this moment, right here, right now - not as a problem but, as a challenge. I know I can face and overcome challenges; after all, I have done this many a time. In fact, as I look back on my life, I see that each and every challenge or problem that I have experienced in the past is now simply a memory. The intensity of the feelings that I felt at those moments in time have now diminished. They have become, for me, part of my life story. I know too, that today's challenges will one day be distant memories, which I will be able to look back on. In recognising this, I feel my sense of power returning to me. I understand that, first and foremost, I can still choose to be happy, right here, right now.

My children will be coming home from school soon. I stand myself up. I walk to the kitchen. I cook several batches of biscuits for our family. I feel happier just to be doing something. When my children arrive home, the smell of cooking is wafting through the house. They feast upon these newly baked goodies with enthusiasm.

In one sense, nothing has changed - at least not yet - but, in taking back my power, I have made a choice to be proactive. Somehow, some way, I will find solutions to today's challenges. It begins here and now.

It is easy to have faith and hope and trust in myself when things are going well. It is so much harder to do so when facing what seems like a hopeless situation. Yet, it is in facing and overcoming such trials, I strengthen my resolve and my surety of self. I close my eyes. I stand tall. I still have no idea what the solutions to today's challenges will be but, standing firm, I trust myself to find the solutions and to create for myself and my family a future that is better than today. I am filled, once again with the joy of living. I stare down at my challenge. 'Bring it on,' I say. Taking back my power, I start working towards all that I can change - right here - right now - today.  I begin by exploring my feelings through poetry.

Paralysed in fear, I sit, not knowing what to do
Juggling bills and finances each day
Time after time I struggle, simply to get by
I really wish that life was not this way

I feel empty and defeated yet, I just keep trudging on
Why won't the winds of fortune rescue me?
I'm tired of feeling powerless, cornered and afraid
This isn't how I want my life to be

I bow my head in self defeat, self pity and shame
Then I realise, I still have choices now!
This veil of negativity could serve to seal my fate
Or, I can change my life, some way, somehow

I stand and take my power back, for I know in my heart
I have choices, even now, in all I do
I can choose to sit and worry and feel sorry for myself
Or I can find a way to see this challenge through

First and foremost, I make the choice to change my attitude
To discard bad thoughts and negativity
I focus on the things that I can do, right here and now
I am determined to change my life for me

I pause and take a moment to reflect on where I've been
I look back on trials I've overcome before
I choose to trust myself to find solutions for today
I know I'll find a way now, I am sure

After expressing my feelings through this poem, I find myself able to harness my strength and courage. With a clearer mind I begin to see solutions to the problems that had been overwhelming me. I smile. Life looks so much better from this perspective!

Written by Michelle Tetley

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